A sip on a brandy to warm before bed All the weekly beers still kept in the shed Put on another log to keep the fire burning The grandfather clock chimes our time turning
Another Sunday roast, all sat at the table A quiet word for all being so grateful Once were children running around playful Suddenly, time passes and no longer able
Inspired by Existential Comics 249 and my own formative years living at my grandparents’ house.
The art of war is a lesson in peace The politics of life to make the violence cease The finest swords will all eventually rust To build a legion is to gain their trust
Today I’m feeling:
Happy and positive though I have a nagging tiredness throughout my body. This could possibly be from pushing myself too much with exercise but the benefits of it outweigh this. Some of the things going on in the family are getting me down a little. This is connected with cultural differences but it’s hard not to judge a situation when something is so clearly unfair. No details to share here as yet. Perhaps if and when the situation resolves or is in the past.
Today I’m grateful for:
Finding the candy lady outside of school. Miyor and KhaoFang were walking around the park after classes and I bumped into them and they offered me a bag of candy of a type that I’d never seen before. I took one and it was tasty so I asked where they got them and they pointed to one of the stalls so I went to investigate and there was a cornucopia there! It was also a pick and mix so I picked out a couple of each to try the range. I didn’t eat any yet – I’m saving them for the weekend.
I was laughing to myself today about it because it feels just like when I was at school as a teenager. I always skipped lunch, saving my money to buy records instead. Then I would scrounge pennies off friends and buy candy from the van that pulled up in the playground every lunchtime.
The best thing about today was:
Getting my work permit so quickly sorted that I had time to grab another coffee before my class started. I guess it doesn’t take long when you’re handing over 6,000 baht.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After making copies of my work permit I headed over to the office. It was only while I was there that I discovered that I have to fill out the visa application and pay another 2,000 baht for the visa when I take it to immigration next week. I thought that whole process was already done when I was at immigration at the end of last year but it seems that I was just on a bridging visa. Amy was not impressed to hear this, especially as I don’t even have 2,000 baht left this month.
Something I learned today?
This evening I found out that the 6,000 baht will get refunded next month. Woohoo!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sat and helped a couple of students again, taking the time to work with them and encourage them.
Every morning now, when I arrive at school, I join Baipad, Jan and Apple and talk with them for a few minutes. Sometimes it’s a struggle to get them to look away from their phones but slowly they are opening up and chatting a little bit. I can especially feel that Apple is more relaxed now to speak English.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO – 4. Don’t Start A Relationship If You’re Not in Love. I’ve done this more than once. You kind of like someone and think: “We might as well give it a shot.” Not a good idea. You’re either in love, or you are not. Don’t fool yourself. It’s not fair to you and the other person.
The difficulty with this is when growing up and learning about love. Our societies don’t emotionally prepare us as children for the consequences of love. It’s quite noticeable here in Chiang Rai, Thailand that a fair percentage of teenagers are not so much into the idea of romantic relationships yet. They might have urges and desires but many are still learning about how to make good friendships amongst themselves. I used to think that this was somewhat of a downside to the kid’s development and that they were growing up too slowly but now I see it as a benefit. In the West we are not aware of all the privileges that we have just by circumstance, to be able to grow up so quickly, whether mature or not.
In my own experience, I thought I was in love many times as a teenager but I was just in love with the idea of love, without knowing what it really was. My first relationships were rough on my partners as I had no clue how to treat them, having been told through society that chocolates and flowers could fix anything. It wasn’t until my mid-20s, meeting Bronwyn that I first felt what I consider to be true love. And then even that was not enough to keep us together.
It’s way too easy to say ‘Don’t fool yourself.’ We fool ourselves all the time without knowing. We do have to go through the process – love, lose and learn. Not many people get things right the first time.
Now I try to teach my students to guard themselves somewhat, to protect themselves from the huge emotional twists and turns of young love. When they break up, to encourage them not to dwell on something that wasn’t meant to be. To stop feeling like it is the end of the world. But I know, it feels just like that and words are sometimes little comfort.
I took this picture because this is an unusual sight, to find both our cats sitting on the same mat like this.
Pretty good though it was a struggle to get up as I had enjoyed a couple of drops of cannabutter last night that knocked me right out.
Today I’m grateful for:
Go Nuts chocolate bars. They are kinda like Snickers but cheaper as they are manufactured in Thailand (I guess). They are smaller than a Snickers bar so I usually end up eating two at a time but even then they are cheaper. I still like a little something sweet after a meal, kinda just finishes it off for me.
The best thing about today was:
Spending a couple of hours in my room listening to new music and finding new songs to try and play on guitar. I also enjoyed being in the garden watering all our plants.
Something I learned today?
I saw a message posted to our department messaging group that there is something going on in the morning tomorrow which maybe means a change to our classes. I’m hoping to arrive at school tomorrow to find out my class is cancelled! It’s no big deal if it’s not but a bonus if it is!
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I shampooed Tigger again just before lunch and he put up a little more of a fight this time but I managed to get it done without any scratches, thankfully.
As mentioned above, I watered the garden whilst Amy was enjoying watching a TV show and after that, I came in and fed the cats.
25 THINGS ABOUT LIFE I WISH I HAD KNOWN 10 YEARS AGO 1. Struggle Is Good. Never say “I can’t take it anymore.” Say “Bring it on!”
This has taken me a long while to realise and embrace, although looking back I can see that I did this often.
I have a capability to endure certain things that others might not. Conversely, I’m sure others are capable of enduring things I cannot. It is the attitude towards this struggle that I embrace more now so that I might look forward to the difficult tasks.
I tend to visualise and actualise the feeling of having completed something and being able to relax, satisfied that I had done something.
When I was a teenager, so long as it was something I was interested in, I could start big, wild projects that could occupy my time and mind. These things didn’t feel like a struggle. Without realizing it I soon discovered that it wasn’t always the satisfaction of finishing something that made me feel good but just the doing of it. Over time this meant that I could take on tasks that were less interesting to me because I would just enjoy the doing, the struggle of them.
When I ask my students to write out a few paragraphs of text I enjoy taking note of those who complain and those who just get on and do it. This reveals a lot about their attitude.
These days, having a space that I love to rest my head at night, I can rationalise all discomfort at uninteresting tasks knowing that when the sun goes down I have a place where I can relax and do the things that are interesting to me.
Whilst I would rarely say ‘Bring it on’ I am no longer afraid of the challenges that confront me.
I took this picture because this tree’s red flowers turn brown before splitting open and revealing their seeds. This is the first time I’ve actually noticed the seeds inside.
Excellent. Got up 5 minutes earlier than usual so that I can incorporate some stretching into my morning exercise routine. Also gone back to two lots of exercise. The habit is fairly well entrenched now so doing a little extra is not too much of an issue.
Today I’m grateful for:
Kru David joining me briefly for a coffee at House. It cut into my writing time but actually, I appreciated a quick chat about AFL and racist English hooligans!
The best thing about today was:
Getting home around 2pm and getting lots of things done earlier than usual (trying to prioritise things). It’s not even 6pm at the moment and just a couple of things left to do. I was already contemplating going to bed and reading comics and I’ll do that soon I think.
I need to adjust my sleep time a little too, with getting up five minutes earlier and extra morning exercise. I don’t seem to have any problem falling asleep but I’ve not been getting good sleep recently due to waking up with pain in my right shoulder.
Something I learned today?
I read an interesting article on the West’s history of the Great Leap Forward in China and how no one who went there could find any evidence of a famine at all. There were food shortages due to 3 years of crop failure and the US, intent on destroying the Communist Party of China, then sanctioned grain into the country. However, the CPC continued to distribute grain to those most in need.
The whole narrative is posited to be pure Western propaganda and the figures quoted for the number of people who died were just the usual number of people that died anyway. When something is quoted as ‘6 million people died during the famine’ it implies that it would be on top of the normal death rate.
The author provided lots of evidence and it also reinforces other articles I’ve read recently stating that the US war with China started when they realised the Nationalists would be defeated by the communists.
Over time, I’ve become more convinced of the lies and deceit at play in the hands of the USA and it has become much harder to decide what is the truth. As the old phrase states, ‘If you see the lips moving then you know they are lying.’
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
The usual encouragement to my students for trying their best.
What were some moments of joy I experienced this year?
This is hard for me to recall specifically but as moments of joy did not particularly stand out (which doesn’t mean I wasn’t happy or having a great time) I do recall moments of savouring. And these too are not specific but I do recall the feeling when it occurs.
Sometimes this might be several times a day and other times maybe just once a week. It could be on a bike ride, drinking a coffee, eating food or just sitting and reflecting. That feeling has come more often in recent years rather than moments of joy.
I took this picture because Cappuccino looked beautiful sitting in the soft light of the sunrise this morning.
Our society is wealthy enough to meet our needs Yet organised such that violence is needed to survive Fight not crime but instead, fight those who create it A real civil society dictates what it means to be alive
Slept badly and though I know I’m tired I also know today is an easy day, at least beyond the fact that we are running around doing my visa which is a stress all by itself.
I forced myself to exercise a little this morning even though my routine is disrupted by Amy being here and us running around doing things.
Sometimes I can see how old people get grumpy when routines are broken. I don’t want to get set in my ways but I do want to get back into an exercise routine again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The visa officer who was kind and helpful and despite us having a small issue with a bank statement he allowed my visa to be processed and I have to go back in September hopefully to receive another year’s grace.
The process is always stressful and has Amy wound up and I try my hardest to not bite and stay calm. Having not slept well I managed until around 11 am and was starting to flag. Whether Amy sensed that or not I’m not sure but I perked up when she decided, out of the blue, to buy me some nice shirts. Later in the day I also found some nice cheap work pants too.
The best thing about today was:
Having the free time to deal with all the visa bullshit without too much hassle and still get back to hanging out with the kids at lunchtime and for my single class. Then back to shopping at the mall.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I lost my temper a little at the end of my class today as we were running out of time and a few girls were playing TikTok dancing on their phones. It passed quickly when I took the phone away and told them that they could get it back from their homeroom teacher at the end of the day. When the class finished one of the girls stayed behind and was suitably contrite, asking for the phone back. I was okay to do that this time with a reminder that next time it will definitely happen.
Something I learned today?
I found out that the visa officers at immigration get their lunchtime coffees at House. They came in as I was leaving today.
What are some activities or hobbies that bring me joy?
Joy? Sometimes when I’m riding my motorbike I get a feeling approaching joy. The smells, the air (when it’s clean), the cool of the shade, the freedom to discover.
In the classroom, there are occasions when joy erupts, which is less easy when you’re on the teaching side of the equation.
Otherwise, there are times of happiness, satisfaction and fun but joy is not an emotion I particularly need to chase after. Small brief moments are preferable.
Takky took this picture because, for my visa application, we have to take photos in our bedroom, outside our front gate and, for this year, we turned the teaching room into our living room as Amy entertained there last night.
Is there good reason to fetch water To quell the house that’s burning? A reason to continue living oughtta Be something that’s worth learning
inspired by Existential Comics 487
Today I’m feeling:
A little dizzy but more enthusiastic than yesterday. I’ve stuck with the half tablet of sertraline again today and hope I can maintain it by taking tramadol in the mornings to keep me boosted up a bit.
Today I’m grateful for:
The strawberry sellers from the mountains are back outside 7/11 with a lot of juicy fresh fruit at ridiculously cheap prices. Tomorrow I’ll pick up some coconut ice cream from LungChom and get fat again like I did last year! Ok, well I’ll try not to do that but I am looking forward to that mix of ice cream yoghurt strawberries and a dash of chocolate toasted muesli.
The best thing about today was:
Finally finishing the Anton Chekov 100 short stories collection. It took about three months as I was generally satisfied with just reading one story a day and some stories were only two pages long. The stories themselves were all enjoyable to excellent though.
Liu Cixin’s Death’s End next, to finish off this awesome sci-fi trilogy.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
My main computer is having problems again so I’m struggling to get some things done with it at the moment, such as using the app that I practice guitar with. I need to back up some files and reinstall the operating system again to see if that fixes whatever the problem is again. It worked last time, about 18 months ago and I hope it will work again. I could do with this machine running for a few more years.
Something I learned today?
27th Feb 2023 – I went off looking at things to consider something useful that I learned today and got so distracted that I forgot to update here.
How did I show kindness to someone today?
Apart from the three boys at Utopia (Art, Boss and Gong), I didn’t meet anyone today. I didn’t show kindness specifically, and nor was I unkind. After arriving home at 9.30am I haven’t talked directly with anyone. Except for conversations with four of my M2 students in LINE where I’ve been asking their ideas about future jobs and I have been encouraging them no matter how wild their dreams. I’ve also put suggestions forward for backup plans too.
I took this picture on my January bike ride because finding this lake was a little unexpected at the time. I came across a few like this and they looked like old rock mines and the blast holes had since filled with water. No new pictures today. It’s been dull and grey all day.
There’s a moral obligation to provide The more power, the more the obligation Punish those with their authority Cheating at a higher level of corruption
Yet these moral rules never applied As they’d level the field for all to play Perhaps we do not have moral principles As Simone was want to say
inspired by an Existential Comics page about Simone Weil
Today I’m feeling:
Tired and dizzy, swaying between depression and happiness
Today I’m grateful for:
Amy’s mum and dad again, bringing me food and watering the garden when I had no enthusiasm for cooking/eating or any kind of effort. I need to water daily now as the ground is getting so parched but I haven’t had the energy for 3 or 4 days.
The best thing about today was:
Reading a lot – it was the only thing that felt satisfying. I played guitar for a while but got frustrated easily. I almost finished updating one book of writing into the blog and started preparing my old poems and lyrics so that felt like I achieved something today. For the afternoon I savoured a few more Anton Chekov short stories, a couple of chapters of Affluenza and a couple of issues of Touch and Go. I was reading to get inspiration to write some poems but my brain is still muddled from medicines though I did finally manage to squeeze out four lines.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I video-called with Amy a couple of times during the day. She had been out drinking with her flatmate and was in a happy mood. Unfortunately, I wasn’t but I told myself that I was happy to see her so happy and she did look attractive to me with her big laugh and bright eyes.
Something I learned today?
Through reading today I must have learned lots of things but perhaps they are not particularly significant as they reinforce things that I already know or believe.
What am I looking forward to in the coming year?
This is not something I’ve really thought about. I expect this year to be similar to last and that would be fine for me, I really enjoyed last year. I do look forward to Amy coming back and trying her hand at running a business here and that would entail some changes with the house and that would be an exciting development. But if that doesn’t happen I know everything will still be fine.
I took this picture because this weird plant that seems to grow easily around our cactuses (it may even be a cactus) sported some flowers I found today. The root of the plant grows at crazy angles, sometimes even turning a full 180. I’ve stuck them against some fencing to hopefully encourage them to go straight for a while!
Why suffer to win a meaningless victory? The search for glory, the greater goal? Do we strive just because we can And winning fills the heart and soul?
inspired and plagiarised from Existential Comics
Poverty is not necessary. It is a social, economic and political failure, usually caused by a history of injustice.
Chris Tomlinson
This ends a year of finding quotes every day. I wrote them all in a book that I will gift to Hayden. I’m going to fill up the book with some choice lyrics that also inspired me.
Today I’m feeling:
Motivated and energetic
Today I’m grateful for: Well, I’m grateful for Amy again. Despite her being busy preparing food for a party at our house tonight she still made me pasta for dinner and enough to feed me for three more meals in the freezer. All her friends are happy to come here and enjoy Amy’s entertainment.
The best thing about today was:
Having that feeling of motivation again and not being too tired and lethargic at the end of the day. While Amy was busy I was preparing some lessons and discovering new worksheets and things for the kids to read and then also updating old entries for my blog and things like that. I’ve managed to keep going fairly well today. I hope I can keep it up.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
At the party tonight I was actually expecting to be joining them and eating with them and didn’t realise that when Amy made dinner for me I was supposed to eat it quickly. I was hungry anyway so it didn’t really matter and when I think about it Amy planned well because she and her friends will be chat-chat-chatting in Thai.
I’m okay to just sit and enjoy everyone having a good time but I can’t really add much to the conversations and things like that, so it’s good that Amy allowed that I wouldn’t be part of the party although I was around and still talking a little bit with everyone. It’s nice not to have the expectation and to feel a bit like the odd one out.
Something I learned today?
Today I watched an interview with Andy Boreham and the ex-prime minister of New Zealand John Keys and they were talking about China, in particular, John Keys was talking about his experience of China and I pretty much had to agree with everything that he said and so I didn’t really learn anything new but just confirmed something that I already believed.
It’s okay to listen and watch things that confirm things that you already believe but also I’m interested in other arguments or a point of view.
I watched another video of someone whose reports I usually enjoy but this one, whilst it was about something that happened between China and America there was something that he was saying that didn’t feel like it fell in line with what I believe to be true. I wanted to understand his argument for the particular situation but because of other things that were said that seem to be common putdowns about China put me off wanting to watch any more about it.
It’s a shame because even people who seem to have a balanced view can fall into rhetoric or just follow what is accepted as fact when actually, if it’s not accepted by some people, such as myself in this case, then it affects what they are trying to argue. Maybe I would change my mind on his point but because of other statements around it, I was put off to listen further.
It goes to show how difficult it is for people presenting news and reporting to just stick with, I’m going to say facts but is it facts or just accepted truth? It’s difficult to judge for anyone now as a listener, as a watcher. We all get caught in this trap.
Write about your most embarrassing moment.
I’m struggling to think of something that was really embarrassing to me since I became an adult.
So, I can remember a time when it was a Christmas time family party and my grandad played a prank on me. I guess I was about 12 or 13. He was selling it as a seance and that he was contacting people from beyond. He had me rub my finger on the underside of a plate and then touch various parts of my face and apparently, this would help communicate.
After about 10 minutes they showed me a mirror and what had happened was that they tricked me and they had burned a candle under the bottom of the plate and obviously I was running my finger along there and putting soot all over my face and when I was shown the mirror and saw myself, I was so upset and unhappy.
I couldn’t believe that I had been made to look so foolish in front of the family. I hated my granddad for a long time after that.
I took this picture because I am the clown, the entertainer, and the teacher. These were the kids at the restaurant from a couple of days ago. I will drop some simple English books for them one day. No new photos today.
Dang! And back into it!
Two morning classes, push, push, make these kids work, no easing into things. They responded well enough and I feel satisfied. We know what to expect of each other on the battlefield as we push for a win-win outcome.
Some will be lost, maybe lost already. Some will return and be pulled into the unit by improving maturity.
I tried to encourage Poppy this morning by showing her a magic card trick but she wasn’t sure why I was doing that. I think she will go off and think about that a bit more. She needs attention, which she no longer gets as she lost her friends. I will try a couple more times. She’s hard-nosed and unsure of things but presents a tough exterior. I’m reminded of myself, of course.
My body’s at war with my brain One or the other is broken again My aching joints keep me awake I wonder how much more I can take As I sink into deeper depression My muscles dissolve in regression Ever-declining circles of pain My body’s at war with my brain
You’ve got to hand it to capitalism, convincing everyone that ‘freedom’ meant obeying your boss or starving was a pretty incredible achievement.
Existential Comics
Today I’m grateful for: The gardeners for coming and taking care of things whilst I was at work. It’s nice to come home and everything looking respectable. They even collected all the passion fruit up from the ground for me. The best thing about today was: Talking with my students – as is often the case. Each time I communicate with them I hope it improves their confidence even just a little. As more students talk to me, others find the courage too.
1994ever 