This space buzzed by mosquitoes A history was being carved out Dusty messes swept into the corners Where cockroaches nested, no doubt
Now an empty room remains A hunger within this home The incense lights the way So we don’t have to be alone
Ghosts are only seen by some A chilly feeling in prickly air Once a room full of new stories Is left in stasis with nothing there
Grandmum’s empty room
Today I’m feeling:
Still a little tired though I slept quite a lot. Not going to push my classes today and going to take it easy myself too.
Today I’m grateful for:
A surprise lunch date with the family at the seafood restaurant Amy and I tried last Sunday. At first I felt a little annoyed as I had wanted to stay at House to read and write after going to apply for the work permit after my first class. That quickly faded though as I’ve grown much more accustomed to sudden changes of plans. The food was also great, which certainly helped too!
The best thing about today was:
Sitting with groups of three students at a time and working on a grammar rule with them. I can usually get a good response out of small groups when there’s an opportunity to do so and we all could laugh and learn together.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I went to get my work permit and in the process they asked if I want it for two years to which I thought ‘sure!’ It was only then I wondered how much it would cost and I found out it will be 6000 baht which is all the money I have left this month!
Something I learned today?
As we’ve been busy for this last week I haven’t really asked Amy about much of what the latest news is or about all the stuff at the temple. With a couple of wines under her belt she talked for a long while about different people that attended the funeral, all of the costs and stresses for the family and what little she knew about the Buddhist rituals and rules.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I sent supportive messages to three of my students who struggled with situations today.
Nicha took this picture because she snatched my phone out of my pocket whilst I was distracted with another student. I’m quite happy for some students to do this because I can look forward to a surprise batch of photos to check later. Obviously in this shot I had caught up with her to get my phone back.
Shacked up with a slacker Who said our gold was in the hills A guitar strapped to his back To sing of other people’s thrills
The words are spat with bitterness The war is raging in his head But anger without direction Is replaced by apathy instead
The party starts at home With our disaffected friends With the battle in our songs Forgotten when it ends
Stirred into one final action When the pipe of peace got broke Understanding that our pain Is only countered by the smoke
So it was, we came and went We conquered nothing at all We disappeared without a trace Into the bottom of the bowl
Nearer heaven we rested heads Too tired to take our chance Extinguished, all those little fires Where we no longer dance
inspired by ‘The Slacker’ in Zachary Mexico’s book China Underground
Today I’m feeling:
A little better again though still not quite right in the sinuses. Exercise got me going and I felt in a good mood for the whole day.
Today I’m grateful for:
The vegetarian food from Oasis and dessert snacks from the snack shop. Hopefully, there are snack boxes left over again tonight.
The best thing about today was:
Teaching my grade 10 class again. It’s a good feeling to have more mature students who try and want to understand more.
It did get me feeling a little like asking to spread out the classes between the foreign teachers so that not all the juniors are dumped on me and David. I know asking this is going to upset George though as he refuses to teach the younger ones, but it feels a little unfair not to split them more evenly.
I would be less tired at the end of the week and David is always talking of quitting because of the stress of his junior classes. I love those kids but I also value my health.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Another day of going with the flow mostly.
Something I learned today?
As I teach my grade 10s about relationships I’m learning a little about each of them and their personalities. Toon told me she is a people pleaser whilst Milk doesn’t care if a boy is interested in her. They joked that between them they make a balanced human being.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I gave some leftover snacks from last night’s ceremony to some students this morning.
I drove Amy and me home and back to the city to pick up snack boxes and food for tonight’s ceremony.
I took this picture because Tokyo was pretty relaxed. I still have to be very careful with her though. She can bite really quickly and with no apparent provocation.
Very good. I pushed through exercise and felt good for it. At school, I comforted ****** as best I could and asked Jan to keep me updated. I feel a little hopeless about helping her and I can imagine she feels even more so.
Today I’m grateful for:
Nut’s Auntie and uncle who came and cleaned up lots of little details around our garden, in particular, pulling the weeds out from the driveway where our purple grass grows.
The best thing about today was:
Hearing from my grade 10 students that the reason that they wanted me to teach them next year is that they feel relaxed in my class and find it fun and more enjoyable than with Thai teachers. I have to wonder what some of their other classes are actually like.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
On arriving home Amy was cleaning Bruno’s high-pressure hose (and seemed to be in a bad mood) and told me he wanted it back.
I was doubtful about this as he had said to keep it as long as I needed and I still have a few places I’d like to clean up.
I was also informed that I would have to drive Nut’s Auntie and uncle back to Bruno’s after they had finished which would be soon.
I didn’t say anything, I hadn’t even got the shopping inside yet. I just accepted my fate and took a quick shower by which time they were ready to go.
Of course, once we got there, Bruno was surprised to get his machine back already as he knew I hadn’t finished with it, and said to take it back. I hushed him and told him not to worry about it, as it already revealed Amy’s little white lie and I made no complaint. Amy seemed to be in a better mood by then, so all was good as we drove back home again.
Something I learned today?
It has only ever snowed two times in the Sahara. How’s that for some relatively useless information.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
Once again offering support to my students struggling with mental health issues.
I took this picture on Sunday morning because this was the same mountain that we were at the top of the afternoon before, rising out of the cool morning mist.
A bit more lively than yesterday and with a little bit of tension knowing that I have a few things to do. Amy will go out for lunch with Aun so there shouldn’t be any interruptions.
Today I’m grateful for:
Poowanut at Heaven and Hell record store for immediately paying for a couple of copies of the Jornada Del Muerto LPs which I immediately got packed and will send to him tomorrow.
The best thing about today was:
Getting everything done that I had planned. The day went way too quickly though. Even what feels like doing nothing in particular goes too fast and being bored is a thing long past!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
This one happened to Amy but I got to hear all about it. As mentioned above Amy had planned to meet Aun for lunch but as it approached time to leave she called Aun just to double-check, who then said she was still in bed and hungover and could she cancel.
Amy was rightly annoyed and complained to me about this common occurrence amongst her friends in Thailand.
She blamed herself though, saying that she should’ve known better. As she continued I just kept listening and acknowledging her displeasure and she let it all go with a ‘better just to be by myself and not care about other people.’
Something I learned today?
My football team, Ipswich Town, making a bid to return to the top tier of English football lost their first game this season to West Bromwich Albion.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
I smiled and acknowledged the old lady (she may not have been old) at Utopia in the morning. She gave me a nod and a smile as she left.
I committed to investing time and money in a new release for SpeechOdd and High Voltage.
A random guy had emailed me last week about wanting to buy a CD in my collection and though I really like it I figured I could track it down again and he seemed really desperate to get it so I decided to let it go today.
Another random guy had emailed me about making music together but he thought that I had made a song that was actually done by Trumans Water. I forwarded his message to the band and replied to the guy that I had done so.
What made me smile today?
Walking into Utopia after riding my pushbike from home, I smiled and greeted staff and customers with a smile because I was in a good expectant mood looking forward to that first sip of delicious coffee.
Seeing Cappuccino and Tigger curled up in the cat tree boxes.
Watching a funny video of a kitten running after a delivery guy whilst I was laying next to Amy in bed after having my morning shower.
I feel like I didn’t smile that much really even though I’m pretty happy today.
What puts me in a good mood?
Seeing my students. They can also have the opposite effect but in general, being around all the students at school makes me happy and picks me up.
Coffee helps too!
I took this picture because I managed to capture Cap’s blue eyes.
Shoving in doughnuts Pooping out rocks Here lies the slovenly Unable to put on socks
Ten gallons of soda Living life liver-free Stuck on the sofa In front of the TV
Making friends with strangers Fat thumbs on the phone Influencing the influencers Relatively unknown
Shopping in comfort From the living room Like a faulty product Due to expire soon
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but improved in general. I could’ve slept more but got going with exercise and breakfast. My morning class I decided to cancel as students are preparing for an Open House event over the coming two days. Not what I had planned but I’m much more accepting and able to adapt more easily these days. I quickly planned a separate lesson for my afternoon class that they could easily do in the canteen and it went well compared to yesterday and everyone seemed to enjoy it, perhaps because it mostly involved drawing rather than writing.
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to find the nozzle for the high-pressure hose that I borrowed from Bruno on Lazada. It arrived today and now the hose works incredibly well, even cutting through the concrete if set too fine!
The best thing about today was:
Enjoying having fun with students all day long even as they were preparing things, studying, learning, chatting or playing. Everyone was in a good mood it seemed.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
The whole day at school was out of control as kids were busy everywhere doing things and making a mess. In classrooms, in hallways, in the canteen, library and playground. I went with it and had a great time. I met some of my grade 8 students in the canteen whilst I was taking care of the grade 7 class there in the afternoon and they told me that Teacher David was sad. I’m not quite sure what they meant but I can imagine that he is a bit frustrated with not being able to teach in the way that he’s used to.
Something I learned today?
Kru Fluke is leaving our team to go and take her turn working up in the mountains. It’s a shame as she is one of the teachers who actually makes an effort to engage despite having poor English herself.
How do I usually handle my emotions and feelings?
In some ways, I have managed to suppress strong emotions much of the time so that I am able to deal with events more reflectively. I am still afraid that I could overreact at some point. I don’t repress my emotions or feelings but let them play out with less stress and anxiety. In general, I have fewer cares and fewer worries. I guess I always had fewer cares and worries but exaggerated their importance before.
I took this picture because I walked around the corner to find my old class of students sitting here like this. They were waiting for a teacher to give them some items to help make decorations for tomorrow. They weren’t particularly enthused to do this but were excited not to be studying!
8th Feb 2024 – These kids are grade 9 – mostly 14-15 years old. Can I remember their names? I only taught them for one semester and that was last year now. ?, Piano, August (the dancing, singing…), Art (I taught him occasionally in Primary), Fill (whom I taught in Primary), Chompoo (likewise occasionally taught in Primary), Stang, Phoom, NongNong (formerly Sunwa), Pat, Gear, Levi, Beena, Proud, Mangkron (who wants to be a farmer), Nice (taught in Primary), Leo, (? – this kid rarely came to class), Pon, Chokun (taught in Primary), Baitoey, (? – I should know her name as I talk with her almost every morning) and Earn. Missing are Yok, Ice and another boy whom I can picture but can’t name!
When my boot is on your neck I’ll offer you charity for your aid Then once our positions are understood Your debt to me needs to be repaid
I’m sympathetic to all your woes But don’t finger-point at me Even though it’s no longer a secret About my foreign policy
The blame lies back with yourself And your own quest to rule The floods and famine of God’s will And you’ve been played the fool
You are the pirates, as I steal You are the dictator, as I dictate Look around for your own slaves And look to me to imitate
I rained down democratic bombs Gave you the freedom you need You’re exactly where you are wanted Precisely as I agreed
Today I’m feeling:
(2 am) Despite a long day, I’m still awake. Have a headache and tense legs. I want to sleep. I know I’m tired. But my body just won’t let me.
I’ve watched a star travel from the middle of the window until the edge, over these last three hours.
(11 am) I woke up again around 7 am with the sun shining through the window and was wide awake again for another hour. I managed to get up despite not wanting to, as I want to get coffee!
Today I’m grateful for:
Being able to link my Aussie bank card to Apple Pay which makes it easy to pay for things here.
The best thing about today was:
The evening of jazz was nice and I enjoyed it.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
After looking forward to walking down King Street in Newtown I was disappointed in the shops that are there now and that despite it being late-night shopping, everywhere except for bars and restaurants were already closing before 6 pm. The city too seems a little over-gentrified with only a few old-school shops being able to hold on and it won’t be long for them either. This is not my city anymore.
Something I learned today?
Sydney is not what it used to be.
I got a message today that we go back to school on the 27th which gives me a couple of extra recovery days. However, for some reason they want us to work at the weekend too! I think for us we can probably just go and clock in though. I’m not sure what they expect us to be doing really.
What is one thing that I have always wanted to create?
Since enjoying music so much in my life I’ve also wanted to make it. Unfortunately, I have little talent or education and now I don’t make enough time to do it despite having the tools available. There’s still plenty of time left, right?
I took this picture because this is the first, and maybe last, time at Lazybones jazz club in Marrickville.
Awake and alive despite only about six hours of sleep. Also feeling a little fragile and on edge but don’t know why. I feel like if something doesn’t go to plan I could easily lose the plot.
Today I’m grateful for:
Funfai for inviting me to play tennis which we finally got to do today. I made it through about 30 minutes and she had already been playing for an hour before that! It was only 9.30 am but over 30 degrees and no shade. I haven’t played for more than twenty years so everything was pretty stiff. My brain knew what it wanted my body to do but my body wasn’t always capable. I was dizzy after sitting down, drenched in sweat and super stinky as my shirt was one of those that hadn’t dried properly in the sun last week. And although my body feels used up I think it is happy to have been used. I want to go again!
The best thing about today was:
Finding out that Carsick Cars will play in Sydney whilst I’m there! I saw they will play with Garry David, so hit up Bob Blunt to get more info. Amy already has me busy with lunch and dinner appointments on the day they play but Bob advised that they added an afternoon matinee show which I should be able to squeeze in – no problem! Cool bananas! He also told me Julian Wu is the tour organiser so I messaged him too and he’s prepaid a ticket for me and it will be awesome to catch up with everyone again. What a trip!
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got a message overnight from an M3 student, Pon, who I taught last year saying he was hoping to join the English Program next year but his grades weren’t up to scratch. I had rarely interacted with him and he was always quiet in class though he usually did my work. His low grade was when Dylan was teaching him and I’m not sure why he decided to message me to say he was devastated. I’m understanding but not exactly sympathetic. His grade was in his own hands and now he’s reaping the results of his lack of attention at the time. ‘Don’t care was made to care’ as I was often told as a child! Students are not taught how their decisions and actions affect their futures.
I read an article today about the negative effects of phone use and social media on children and how it affects the mental health of the undeveloped brain. It’s common sense to me that kids shouldn’t have phones in class! Even though I have tried to have them utilise their phones for study they often switch in and out to other apps which I know is detrimental to learning and memory.
I also received a message from my M2 student Alew, asking about scholarships. I don’t know how you go about applying for those but I’m glad he’s asking the question. I pointed him to Champ who may be able to give him some advice.
Something I learned today?
I saw that in China you can order your taxi by phone and if you are not sure where it might be, like at an airport for example, you can shake your phone and it will trigger the hazard lights on the car. And once in the taxi, you can control the aircon from your phone too.
What motivates me to do my best?
If I am invested in something I will do my best. Sometimes if I’m not invested I will also try to do my best but be less bothered about the result.
I am always trying my best at school to entertain and teach my classes. I put a lot of effort and energy into that and I’m personally motivated by that. I care about the results for the students and not for the results as seen by the school, which is why I disagree strongly with their grading policy.
Funfai took this picture because I asked her to. I wanted to see how I looked after running around in the sun for thirty minutes!
Though I am I used to be Never felt strange But do agree
a simple man a different me accepting change that I must be
Today I’m feeling:
Tired but happy and positive. I got another couple of lessons completed this morning and happy with how they turned out. I’d hoped to get to Daytripper to do more but after a quick shop, I got home all sweaty and jumped into the shower and didn’t feel like putting clothes on to venture outside again.
Today I’m grateful for:
The lack of traffic in the morning meant I didn’t need to rush too much to clock in at school.
The best thing about today was:
See the attached picture.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I gave in to nap time though I think it was only for about forty minutes. I listened to the Jazzcore podcast so it was a pretty wild aural assault into my dreams. I woke up drooling.
Something I learned today?
Funfai messaged me to say she saw me at school this morning and when I asked her why she was there she said she was playing tennis again. She said she will go again on Friday so I will pack some clothes and perhaps have a chance to have a hit with her too.
What are my top priorities for the day?
Now I’m at the end of the day but I know the main priority was having organised to meet my old students and treat them to lunch. As they were also Bruno’s old students I thought it would be a nice surprise for all of them to catch up. I wasn’t sure if it was going to be difficult for the kids and if they would flake out but they made it and also in good time.
Quote: Humility cannot exist without love, and love cannot exist without humility – Saint Theresa of Avila
I always subscribed to the notion that you must love yourself before you can let be anyone else (though it took me about 40 years to actually put it into practice). Once you’ve understood how to love yourself you learn to put others first and you no longer need to seek their approval or play any kind of game with them. You can be humble before them.
Nut took this picture because I had planned a surprise for Bruno and our old students, Porpieng, Momo and Baitong to catch up together today. It’s been six months since I saw Popo and BT as they switched schools and I rarely see Momo as she switched to the Japanese program. For Bruno, he hasn’t seen them for more than five years! I’d tried organising them meeting a few times before but it never worked out. I think everyone was happily surprised to see each other again.
Just wait a minute, slow it down You can’t see the trouble brewing The choices made are pure emotion And you don’t know what you are doing
Wait a minute, test the waters Before the wave crashes and breaks You’re rushing headlong into trouble And the pain of those mistakes
Wait a minute, use your brain Look at the direction you are going Don’t brush off the wiser words Thinking you’ve done all the knowing
Wait a minute before you decide To step into the fire and burn Live to fight another day With all the things you’ll learn
Wait a minute, take a breath Are you certain that you know it all? Is now the time to experience The depths to which you’ll fall?
Today I’m feeling:
Perhaps after yesterday’s prompt about dreams, I was very aware of the dream I was having this morning as my alarm went off. For some reason my thoughts and emotions were spiralling out of control and even as I was aware of it happening I couldn’t control it. Nong Fah was trying to comfort me in a kind of student/teacher role reversal, but it didn’t work.
This dream was based on events from yesterday when Spain was very emotional in class and couldn’t be consoled. He is on the spectrum as is said these days and was having a tough time.
Yesterday I also talked with Fah about not knowing why Feije was acting a bit of character recently because they seemed to have become more friendly.
I woke up feeling a bit stressed and disconsolate but soon got over it with exercise which got the blood pumping but I also had to push hard to motivate myself to complete.
At lunchtime, I found Fah and friends in the library and Feije’s expulsion was the main topic and then, lo and behold, she appeared. Everyone gathered around to get the gossip and I made myself scarce so the kids didn’t feel uncomfortable.
Today I’m grateful for:
Gui’s mum for giving me four or five custard apples from their tree outside the cafe. I was surprised and appreciative.
The best thing about today was:
Finishing all my grading files for my students and reflecting on how the semester has been. It is definitely an improvement on last year for me with fewer frustrations. As ever it is always enjoyable to watch these young people and their stories develop. I appreciate them very much and I feel as if some of them appreciate me in return.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
There was just one point where a couple of students pushed my patience. I knew they were excited for the holidays but I just wanted them to do a little work for me first. Despite their initial defiance, they could see that I was serious and begrudgingly came and did it. I’m glad they didn’t push it further.
Something I learned today?
In my grade 7 classes this week I’ve just been giving short gratitude quizzes asking three things. What they are grateful for, what they learned and if anything is upsetting them. That last question has proved to be the most interesting.
This afternoon one of the students, Film, said that they were worried about another student’s mental health. I looked around the room and that student did look troubled and flustered. I took Film aside and asked what had happened and he told me that the student’s two best friends had been bullying him.
Knowing all the students involved I was not too surprised to hear this.
I took the student off to the teacher’s room and reassured him that the bullies were showing their true colours and were not being good friends. I can see he wants to be good in class but gets roped into doing ‘bad’ things by his friends. I encouraged him and told him that there were other students in the classroom who were concerned and cared about him.
He had a little cry but seemed to understand and appreciate the support. My guess is that they will all be friends again by next semester and it will all be forgotten though I think it would benefit him to find new friends that treat him better.
28th Dec 2023 – Sure enough they are all good friends and thick as thieves again, though I can see the bullied one is a little more cautious now.
What’s my favourite thing to do when I’m feeling down?
These days I kinda know how to stop myself from feeling down but if I feel like I can get it under control I know that sleep often helps me. Another thing that helps is to just do something different. I have so many options available really and it could be something as simple as going for a walk.
I took this picture because Cap hasn’t come and sat next to me for a few months. It was nice to feel his fur on my skin but the temperature was damn hot and sticky already and he was adding to it. I don’t know when or how deeply he sleeps as he seems to move from place to place every five minutes.
Who is my witness? Who is left alive? Does anyone remember our struggling to strive? With no one left to share Is there anyone left to care? All the wisdoms found Buried back in the ground Words are often repeated Once the time’s completed The same mistakes are made For which the past already paid
A bit fried. My head is not quite clear this morning. I’m not unhappy or bothered at the moment, just kinda wondering what’s next.
(Later) The weekend slumber has helped and I feel fighting fit again for a new week. Last week at school with the kids!
Today I’m grateful for:
The non-communicative (grumpy?) guy in the bottle shop next door to Lamp Cafe who said nothing except ‘30 baht’ when I was buying soda water. He never looked up at me or said thank you or goodbye, even though I did. I’m getting used to all sorts of people and grateful that I still feel like this is an enjoyable place for me to be.
The best thing about today was:
The slow get-go that eventually turned into enthusiasm and happiness. It’s hot again but I definitely prefer the less cloudy grey skies. Riding back from Utopia I was considering riding off and around about but perhaps have to wait until next weekend.
Something I learned today?
I watched a fascinating documentary about the collapse of the Bronze Age in the Mediterranean. It makes me interested to travel more. In my imagination, it feels like life hasn’t changed there much over the centuries.
What activities cause me to lose track of time?
As I’m getting older I’m finding more and more that time slips away ever faster. I’m never troubled by boredom anymore and often wish I could be. I’d like time to slow down. Could I stand to give up my comfortable life and possessions for a more meaningful and meagre existence? Do I really want to feel bored again?
Pretty much all activities cause me to lose track of time these days.
Where can I broaden my perspective?
I think this can be anywhere and everywhere. Despite knowing I am opinionated on many things I don’t wish to ever become close-minded about things. I can only make judgements on the things I know and I must admit that I don’t know everything. My perspective is broadened every day with everything I see and do.
Noey took this picture because… I’m not sure why actually, but I think I look pretty good in it.
1994ever 