Dear tomorrow,
- let the sheets dry from the rain
they've been hanging for too many days;
- let excitement pinch me once again
and ignore what everyone says;
Dear tomorrow,
- make today my yesterday feel
it was overcome with such ease;
- and if anything starts to get real,
I may handle it as I please;
Dear tomorrow,
- in the endless scout to ensure
there's enough food on the table;
- and if my life ever needed a cure,
let it be effortlessly stable;
Dear tomorrow,
- give me courage, all that jazz,
remind me of my own thinking;
- no longer looking for the razzmatazz
and shiny lights a-blinking;
Dear tomorrow,
- make all the things be done
without a story that needs retelling;
- because I've heard all those tales spun
and no longer buying what they're selling;
So, dear tomorrow,
- let the sheets dry quickly and warm
so I may sleep soundly this eve;
- I know there's always another storm
I just need a little reprieve.
Today’s Daily Stoic poem:
Someone Else Is Spinning The Thread
A trial becomes a triumph A triumph becomes a trial Life can change in an instant Having control is to live in denial
Nobody thinks they are wrong, even when they are They think they’re right, they’re just mistaken Compassion and tolerance can heal the scar Our duty, as we understand it, remains unshaken
Pretty good despite a slightly disrupted sleep, which I’m thinking may be down to the two double-shot coffees I have on the weekends. I only have one on weekdays, so perhaps I need to switch back to the double-ris on weekends.
Apart from that, I’m still in a good mood and my classes have kept me busy and entertained all day.
Health:
Physical: 7 Mental: 7
Today I’m grateful for:
Feeling energised and on top of things in my classes and doing all the things I needed during my 50-minute break.
The best thing about today was:
Feeling like an actual English teacher for a moment!
It’s weird to say but working more with some of the older students, who are more interested in actually learning and improving, has focused me a little more on teaching the language, more than just helping the students practice using language (by just reading and writing).
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I still have a problem with no classroom available to teach my afternoon grade 11s and today ended up in the canteen, which wasn’t exactly ideal but everyone got on with it as best they could and I wrapped up pretty quickly, giving the students work to send me before the weekend.
Something I learned today?
Ipswich won their first game of the season yesterday! Hooray! They beat Spurs away from home two-one. Amazing!
I took this picture because ‘our’ little cow was resting here in the morning when I was about to leave for work. Left us a lot of useful poop too.
Much improved. Almost normal even! Is it a psychological trait of mine? A mental quirk? Does my brain make me feel ill when there are things that I’m supposed to do that I really can’t be fucked to do?
And now, Sunday – usually the day before going back to work (which I love when there are students at school and detest when there aren’t and we are there just because we are supposed to be) but tomorrow is the first day of the holiday. Has circumstance suddenly tricked me into feeling well?
It’s also weird to be annoyed at having five weeks holiday this year, a week more than last year, and this is because it is the worst time of year here for air pollution and five weeks in October would be so much more preferable. But like I say it’s weird to be bothered about having extra holiday time!
Today I’m grateful for:
Uncle Nit next door who is helping us sort out some extra work that we need to connect up our drainage to the new drains being added under the widened road.
Uncle also told us that he’s never seen anything come out of our drain so I’m not exactly sure where our wastewater even goes.
The best thing about today was:
Getting this message from one of my grade 10 students Miwkey:
I am impressed and enjoy learning in the teacher’s lesson. Since I studied with foreign teachers, I have never met a teacher like you. I’ve only encountered foreign teachers who use their emotions towards their students while not paying attention to the lessons they teach in the classroom.
I kind of understand what she means – I think there are many teachers who don’t and sometimes can’t actually assist with explaining some things and just tell the students that they are stupid and should figure it out for themselves. Sigh.
I do also ask them to figure things out for themselves but I’m going to guide them with effective methods that they can remember and reuse.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Whilst at Utopia Amy called me to pick up some veggies at the market. When I got back she saw them and exclaimed ‘Noooo, not that one! Go back now!’
Luckily I was in a good mood and quickly went back and got the correct ones.
Review your acts, and then for vile deeds chide yourself, for good be glad. — Discourses 3.10
More encouragement for students via LINE.
What word or phrase sums up this month?
Tired would pretty much be it. Is it that I’m tired after this busy school year? Because I invest so much of myself into it emotionally? It’s not really been that busy since Christmas.
Perhaps it’s a combination of that and missing the kids, the heat and air pollution and not really having any plans to go anywhere.
But I did feel better today at least.
Amy took this picture because she wanted to show off her tamarind eggs. Unfortunately, she got a crazy teacher in the shot too!
A bit more lively at first but after an hour or two there’s some aching eye muscles. Again, tired but not sleepy. I have things I want to get done this morning though so I’ll push on through.
Today I’m grateful for:
Aing to come from Bangkok and take care of our cats for a couple of weeks whilst I go to Australia. Amy and I both appreciate that a lot.
The best thing about today was:
Chatting with Boss and Noey over coffee this morning.
Playing guitar for an hour again.
Dinner at Mana Mala with Aing.
All equal and taking up a majority of the day.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
Time feels like it is flying out of control at the moment and I’m wondering what I will have to drop in the future as I don’t think I can keep going like this! Just stay flexible and ride the wave wherever it takes you.
Something I learned today?
Both Noey and Boss (at Utopia) broke up with their partners recently. Boss seemed a little down today so maybe he’s still dealing with it but Noey said she was over it a couple of days after the breakup. She also says she’s not that interested in finding another boyfriend and that most boys here are too short for her!
What is my deepest hope?
Ridiculous I know but I vote for the old-fashioned world peace. I mean that is my ‘deepest’ hope.
Other hopes are for personal health, happiness and satisfaction. Likewise for my friends and family and then outwards from there to the rest of the world.
I have a minor hope that Amy will be happy back here in Thailand for a while at least.
Hope both our cats can stay healthy for another ten years.
I can control some of these things to a small degree and won’t be disappointed if something out of my control sees these hopes dashed.
Did you have any bad ideas this year?
I reckon I have bad ideas every five minutes but now I’m smart enough not to act on them.
There’s not been anything that stands out on initial thought. I also haven’t really been attempting anything unusual or challenging that I might regret.
Maybe some ideas could have been executed better; I’m thinking about the record label mostly here. As I’m a little bit out of the loop with things going on around the Asian music scene it’s getting tougher for me to know who to promote to.
As I’m writing I’m getting a crazy idea to do a 7” for my friends in Stacked State as they are just about to release a new CD. That may be a bad idea financially but it’s not about the money.
I took this picture because P’ti is happy keeping guard in the shop window. I wish our cats could be so comfortable around other people. Coincidentally, check the picture from October 9th 2022!
Cheering on the cheerleaders We’re practising our cheer It’s our team’s turn to rule We are the leaders clear
Inspiring on to further heights We’re living our best days Until complacency at the top Sees a change of ways
No longer on your side You’re slipping down the ladder Only winners get our support There’s no time for being sadder
Who was that team we knew? They’ve disappeared somehow Forgotten heroes of the past Are left to linger now
Today I’m feeling:
I’m happy and looking forward to teaching again. Meeting my students was fun and brought me happiness but I still feel I’m missing something deep down.
Today I’m grateful for:
All the class homeroom teachers who will take care of my students. I know all of them so I think we can work well together to mould the students to my wishes in class. It gives me a bit more confidence at least.
The best thing about today was:
Hanging out with my students again. A lot of them are disappointed that I’m not teaching them much or at all this semester. That was nice to hear but I know they will adjust quickly. I enjoyed being around them so much that I stayed until 2 pm even though I could’ve just gone home at 9 am if I’d wanted to. I met some of my new students too. They mostly seem shy so far. I’m sure that won’t take long to change though.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
I got my timetable for the semester which threw a few curveballs. Just one one-hour class on Monday which would be great but it starts at 1.30 pm so I have to go to school at 8 am and then hang around for five hours before teaching. I don’t really mind this. It gives me time to read or write or prepare… I can fill the time, no problem.
Something I learned today?
There are rumours that US NGOs paid voters for pro-democracy candidates in this weekend’s election in an effort to influence Thailand away from China and towards the US. Whilst I think this is probably likely I would still hope that a new, younger government will be able to improve the situation for the majority of people in Thailand. There still seems to be a feeling of hope for the future. No doubt there will still be some form of finagling for the military-backed establishment to make sure they maintain power so it could all go to shit in a second so we’ll just have to wait and see. Thai people in general seem quite positive and accepting of their lot. Of course, they all wish it was better. It would be nice to get a sense of optimism for the future here though.
What is a book, movie, or song that has deeply affected me?
Too many to mention but off the top of my head Dostoevsky’s The Dream of a Ridiculous Man and Notes From Underground, Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina for books. Movies – movies seem to have a less deep impact though I enjoy many. There is one in particular though that I wish I could forget. That is certainly one that affected me and not in a good way. As for music, I think that is all about nostalgia. There are many songs that give me goosebumps.
I took this picture because Tigger was looking cute and relaxed on the chair under the table but he sat up before I could get the picture I wanted. I got this instead. What a life for a fat cat! Cap and Tig have been through so much and seem as happy as they’ve ever been.
A bridge is beckoning And she’s holding the rope Talk of a reckoning Now unable to cope Don’t take that flight Out of selfish pride Step up to the fight Your future undenied The love you never felt Maybe on its way Fold the hand dealt Here to stand and stay
Today I’m feeling:
Happy in myself, a little stressed for others.
Today I’m grateful for:
The kind psychiatrist that talked with me and Baitoey about her problems and ideas to help her. Baitoey scored very poorly on her psychiatric evaluation and I didn’t realise quite how bad she is feeling. The psychiatrist was nice, calm and helpful though and asked me to come back with Baitoey if she doesn’t want her parents to come next time.
The best thing about today was:
I had an enjoyable time walking around school and watching different sports events that many of my students are involved in. There was a really good atmosphere, and everyone was having fun.
What was out of your control today and how did you handle it?
When I got to the hospital with Baitoey it was just as they closed the department for lunch for an hour. Instead of just sitting there I decided to head to TLC to pick up my work permit documents and swing by Oasis to pick up food for dinner. When I got to TLC there was no one there but I messaged and waited for a bit and eventually, Nancy appeared with my documents. I jokingly asked if the application money was there too and was shocked when she said that TLC would reimburse the fee this year! Cool! Baitoey waited patiently in the car and then we headed to Oasis but when we got there it was shut! Damn, I was looking forward to their food too! Oh well, never mind. We got back to the hospital in time just as they reopened again.
Something I learned today?
Old mate Dean Crowe is playing in a band called Potential and will tour New Zealand and catch up with Kieran and Chrissie there. I want to go to NZ again!
What would I like to savour or enjoy more often this year?
I’d like to enjoy better health and having more energy. To savour doesn’t really come into it because savouring can come at odd times, sometimes unexpectedly.
Art and I took these pictures on Saturday because as I was taking the picture of P’ti he was taking the picture of me.
With an easy week last week, no classes on Monday as it was Teachers’ Day and lots of kids skipping school on Friday as it was Chinese New Year made for a nice relaxing lead into the weekend.
On Saturday morning I couldn’t quite decide if I was motivated enough to do anything but eventually, I forced myself out after riding my pushbike to Utopia and back and washing Amy’s doona, which one of our cats had thrown up on. It took all day and several goes in the machine to get it clean and spun, it’s heavy when full of water and stops the machine sometimes and by the evening I gave up and hung it out wet.
So at around 10.30 am I dropped a vial of acid and headed out on little Fino, magical mystery motorbike, with a plan to finally find the way to Mae Chan through the mountains to see how easy it is to avoid the checkpoint. I already knew it wasn’t easy but I’d never actually completed a round trip.
The last time I tried was at the end of the rainy season and that was when I got covered in lots of mud. This time the dirt tracks were flattened rock hard and further on, became a dusty powder.
With a little detour I found the route and as the acid kicked in I felt a wonderous bond with the earth. The valleys of jungle descending to rice fields and streams shone in the golden light and deep blue sky.
On this outward journey, I noted several side roads that looked interesting and thought to investigate on the return. At the end of the valleys, an old village of weather-worn farmers and cute kids and then soon to my destination. It had taken much less time than I expected so those side roads were ripe for investigation.
Up along ridges, riding through pineapple fields, high gradient, still damp earth tracks that I wondered if I could cruise back down without overheating the brakes, off into the forest, where I opted for the new path rather than the familiar, ending up I-don’t-know-where but just kept going because all roads lead to somewhere (most of the time!).
After an hour I hit some paved road and another village of old people and cute kids. As I sat at a junction, one way saying ‘the way out’ but the other way begging me along, an old man with red teeth, high on betelnut maybe, came forward and I asked if I could go on ‘the way in’ and he waved me on with a belly laugh.
And the way in was more beautiful valleys, one after the other.
A beam of light in the distance caught my eye and through a small field, another valley shone as golden hour approached I rode on until I woke up a farmer in his shack, who quickly put on some pants and wandered out to the path. I apologised for making him get dressed as his beautiful dogs came to play. He suggested there was no way out if I kept going and this time I deferred to his judgement and turned back, chuckling at the apparent serenity of this farmer’s life and wondering of the stories he would tell about this stupid farang riding his little bike deep into the middle of nowhere.
And so I went on, reasonably confident I was heading somewhere and new beautiful valleys appeared around every corner, even though they all look the same. It’s amazing to imagine all these places exist and are not just photographs in National Geographic.
Riding between two rice fields I suddenly hit some smashed-up concrete blocks that would have been dumped here in the mud during the rainy season to provide some grip. Now they were embedded in the solid ground and crumbling with each tyre that hit them. Unfortunately, I hit one at the wrong angle and it sent my front wheel off into the powdered earth and keeling over to a sudden stop, throwing me off in front, and perhaps I jumped a little too in an effort to get away from this heavy machine that could land on my leg.
I tumbled forward, hitting my chest on the ground and twisted onto my back where I then also hit my head on the hard earth and came to a stop. I looked at the sky from my new bed of dust, blinked, and mentally surveyed my body, triggering memories of times previous when I’d hit my head or an object had hit it, with that loud stinging ping. I picked up my arms to readjust my glasses and started laughing! Then I slowly and gingerly got up.
As I twisted onto my side I felt a pain in the right side of my chest and my thumb where some skin had come off. Not too bad, considering! I picked up Fino, who had survived completely intact and soldiered on with some laboured breathing as the excitement of events still rattled my body.
On and on until finally back to paved road again and eventually the main road. But still, in the golden hour that lasts from about 3pm to 5.30pm depending on where you are, I went on to investigate PB Valley – some kind of resort with a pretty lake and waterside restaurant. It looked well-maintained but hard to tell if it was being used. There was no one around and a lone security guard sat in the shade away from the gate and motioned me to just go ahead. I wondered who would come all this way to stay here. There didn’t look like there was enough entertainment within the resort and apart from an elephant camp a few kilometres away there’s not much else around.
Eventually, I weaved my way home, waving to various kids and shouting hello and I wondered about the possibilities of doing something for these kids. I have these big ideas at times like this but never feel the push to investigate more, perhaps scared of overcommitting and knowing that these kids need more than just irregular fun visitors.
Finally home and evaluating my injuries after a good shower, I think I’ll be ok. Though as I’m writing this two days later I’m contemplating a checkup at the hospital. I think if I do have a cracked rib though there’s nothing that can be done.
Saturday night I woke up to more cat-sick sounds and a quiet Sunday saw me washing my doona and hoping that at least one of them would be dry by evening.
This week at school is Sports Day (Sports Four Days!) so no classes til Friday and I’m guessing lots of kids will skip that day too. I’ll just have to walk around a couple of events each morning before heading off for coffee and home. Sabai Sabai!
My old student Baitoey contacted me as she heard that I took Boss to the hospital on Friday and she wants to do the same, so I will help her this week too. I’m a little worried that I may get some flack for helping these kids but feel duty-bound to offer help in any way I can. The more kids I speak to, the more I see that they need emotional support. Some can manage themselves but others are really struggling and when they say they don’t want to live anymore then I have to do something.
That’s the end of this book but surely not the end of the story.
It’s a very Japanese Day today Ohayo gozaimasu we learned to say Girls and boys dressed in cosplay Pretending their favourite anime
The greater part of the population is not very intelligent, dreads responsibility and desires nothing better than to be told what to do.
Aldous Huxley
Today I’m grateful for: Spending a lot of time running around chatting and playing with students for the Japanese Day event. The best thing about today was: All the students having fun talking about boys, girls, boyfriends and girlfriends. They made me laugh a lot with their hopes, passion, shyness and insecurities. I try to teach the girls to be strong and the boys to be respectful.
I took this picture because the orchids are so pretty and they stand out amongst the green. The damp misty air adds to the lusciousness!
T: we can see each other tonight and that would make us both feel better. had an awful dream last night. They’re still looking for people to lab assist comp prac – or a subject similar to it. They want 9-1 on fri morning’s. If i could move my marketing principles tute, i could make it 2 hours, although i will miss out 1/2 hour of IS &OD either way! DAMN! and i’m in marketing principles with all my friends and we’re doing the group assignments together (sue, tu, di, me and jeff!)
S: Hey – I feel good anyway. Don’t you? I can make you feel better (I think!). Anyway – I hope I can see you too. Meet me at the physio as soon as you can – maybe we can go get a coffee somewhere? Sorry about your dream (Can I make it better?) Cheer up Miss Blue – I’ll be here for you (no expectations no demands plenty of rope)
Well – it has been a little while since writing in here. We had a great time on Saturday looking at tattoos – I love doing stuff like that with you – hope we can do it more in the future. And on Sunday of course everything changed upside down (for which you must not blame yourself). I don’t know what is going to happen now. I am waiting for your call.
